VWB Ned Daniels Deputy of the Grand Master in District 4 of the Most Worshipful Grand Lodge of Free and Accepted Masons of Washington for 1999-2000

In a Most Friendly Manner (October 1999)

"Be diligent, prudent, temperate, discreet. ... You have been enjoined to remind a Brother in a most friendly manner of his fault, to endeavor to aid his reformation, and to defend his character. ... These generous principles extend further, for every human being has a claim on your kind offices."

We recognize these words as being from the Closing Charge by the Worshipful Master to the Brethren when closing his Lodge of Master Masons.

Often, I have pondered the phrase "to remind a Brother in a most friendly manner of his fault," and its various implied meanings and interpretations.  And I have often concluded that the message left is often not what we say, but rather in how we say it.

When I was perusing another of the older tomes in my personal library, one published in 1916, I considered this admonition in yet another light.  Though the subject matter of the book is clearly eclectic by its title, Talks on Talking, among the wisdom contained within its pages I found what could be considered oblique references to this admonition of the Worshipful Master.  These references are put forth in text, by extract of quotation, and in verse.

The book commences with a preface observing:

"Good conversation implies naturalness, spontaneity, and sincerity of utterance.  It is not advisable, therefore, to lay down arbitrary rules to govern talking, but it is believed that the suggestions offered here will contribute to the general elevation and improvement of daily speech.

"Considering the large number of persons who are obliged to talk in social, business, and public life, the subject of correct speech should receive more serious consideration than is usually given to it."

The book continues with an engaging quotation from Robert Lewis Stevenson:

"The first duty of a man is to speak; that is his chief business in the world; and talk, which is the harmonious speech of two or more, is by far the most accessible of pleasures.  It costs nothing; it is all profit; it completes our education; it founds and fosters our friendship; and it is by talk alone that we learn our period and ourselves."

And then the following verse appeared, striking my conscience:

Vociferated logic kills me quite;
A noisy man is always in the right -
I twirl my thumbs, fall back into my chair,
Fix on the wainscot a distressful stare;
And when I hope his blunders are all out,
Reply, discreetly, "To be sure - no doubt!"
-- Anon.

However this recrimination was offset by yet another intriguing verse:

Boys flying kites haul in their white-winged birds:
You can't do that way when you are flying words.
"Careful with fire," is good advise we know:
"Careful with words," is ten times doubtly so.
Thoughts unexpress'd may sometimes fall back dead.
But God himself can't kill them once they're said!
-- Will Carleton

I have often reflected on how to set right an unfortunate situation when we may be less "discreet" in our reprimand; after all, more important than what we say - is how we say it.  How the message is received indeed determines whether it is "most friendly."

And on those occasions when the words we use "to remind a Brother ... of his fault", that may seem to be "in a most friendly manner" to us, nevertheless, are not received thus, it is hoped, as invoked in our Closing Benediction, "May brotherly love prevail, and every moral and social virtue cement us."

From:  Kleiser, Grenville, (1916).   Talks on Talking.
New York:  Funk & Wagnalls Company.

Thanks to both the Deputy of the Grand Master in District 4, and the Masonic Monitor which publishes his articles for allowing us to reprint them.  The Masonic Monitor is published monthly (except August) under approval of the Most Worshipful Grand Lodge of Free and Accepted Masons of Washington.  The Masonic Monitor can be contacted at: 6619 132nd Avenue NE, PMB 237, Kirkland, WA, 98033-8627, USA.  Phone: (425) 822-4605 - FAX: (425) 822-2535 - Email: masonicmonitor@earthlink.net.